After Transformation, Mine and Her Wild Fantasy
Long long post... sorry
Doctors appointment tomorrow at 8:30 am , been having a lot of pain in my uterus area again ( not pregnant ) and I'm worried the PID is back , or if I am pregnant it's an ectopic , but tests all day negative , but so did my last ectopic , and honestly I know I always think the worse , but I know the pain , and I'm so afraid to lose my last tube , know one knows what it's like ( unless you have one tube left ) because we do want another baby not right this moment , but when our time is right , but no we do not use any form or type of contraceptives, because if we get pregnant again it would be a miracle ( after having the c section it cause more scar tissue in the tubal area , and in the uterus area , which that's why I had no chance of getting pregnant before because of all the surgeries and the PID just covered my insides of my tubes with scar tissue , as well as the outside and all around ) honestly it's the biggest fear I have , even though the doctors told me in the first place I had literally .01% chance of conceiving a baby till full term (and after losing so many of our precious babies ) i still had all the parts there which I would never give up , then when I went into surgery for the ectopic they told me the chances were lowered now with only one tube , and the tube where the pregnancy in was the good tube , and so they asked if I wanted the other removed and to schedule a hysterectomy, which I was not going to do , if I can't have another baby , we will have to make peace with that , because we have our cycy , and he is our whole world , I couldn't imagine life without him , ray nor I can't even let him out of my sight just because he is our little miracle, but just always having it in the back of my mind , I only have one tube left , if the pregnancy sticks in the tube , and gets far enough to where it bursts again , that is it , they might as well take everything else with it , because to inject the uterus with our "stuff" is way to expensive , I know ray wants one more baby of his own , but if we can't again I think we will both be so heart broken , and people I know I have Cylus , and he is enough for us , like I said he is my world , I cherish and love that boy more than anyone , absolutely anyone could ever know , so please don't comment or message that I'm selfish , or I need to think of Cylus , or this and that , because I do , know one knows what goes through my head , until you have difficulty and have been told it's pretty much the end of the road with having babies , at the age of 23 , you will never know how I feel , not even ray , even though we have been through everything together , personally i have been the one to have to get the vacuum aspirations to clean out miscarriages, I have been the one to have to feel the loss , and I am the one who always feels like I'm holding ray back because he wants a lot of kids , and I just cannot give that to him , my body has endured to much , and tomorrow if they tell me a hysterectomy is the best option , I might have to take it this time , just because an ectopic pregnancy can easily kill you , last time I had lost so much blood , I was bleeding internally externally , and I want to be here for my baby boy , until I get old , I just don't know if I'm ready to give up, I want cylus to have at least one sibling , when people tell me I'm being selfish because I'm not giving Cylus a sibling , it hurts my heart , because I hope I can , it's not like I can just say here's our ovulation schedule let's do it , I have already had two pregnancy losses since Cylus was born , sorry everyone for the long long post ..... After Transformation, Mine and Her Wild Fantasy
P.s this was all cause by a mirena IUD so think before you get one ,, in the process of a huge lawsuit , please pray that something comes of it , not only for the financial reasons , but truly I deserve the hell out of it , but because this birth control needs to be discontinued completely !!